Where were we? introspection of GodzillaMiki
by MoodyMike725
Summary: MY 1st fan fiction. takes place 5 yrs after G vs. SpaceG, Miki returns to birth island and Godzilla suddenly appears, taking a psychological look into each character and making them much more relatable and accessable in my own way
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The rolling waves of the sea hummed a soft, rhythmic lullaby as they sprawled and ended against the beach, each one incapable of ever reaching past their sandy prison and extending into the inland forest. The sun shined down in its usual one o'clock perch and the green of the wild vegetation grew even wilder and greener as it encircled the perimeter of the island. In the center were enormous rock formations, with precipitous sides, jags and edges unassailable to even the best rock-climbers. Large deformed mountains and valleys, created from cooled volcanic rock after a super volcano had erupted and devastated the island some tens of thousands of years before. From far away, the island could be taken as a paradisiacal snapshot of euphoric Eden; an undisclosed, secluded retreat banally harped and displayed in tourists' guides or as an image found on the cover of postcards with the words "WELCOME" written in an arch.

To the relief of the local inhabitants, which consisted solely of seagulls and finches, the island was uncharted and completely undisturbed, which if you asked them, I'm sure they would agree that the landmass would in no way benefit with the construction of a mall or a five star hotel. In this picturesque solitary location, far away from anyone or anything, could be found Miki Saegusa complaisantly walking along the beach barefooted.

The soft pillows of sand tickled her toes and she couldn't resist the urge of kicking her feet up every so often to watch the grains fly into the cloudless sky. The wind caressed her face and hair, gingerly and slowly, as it wasn't blowing all that fast and she breathed it in rejuvenatively. Her hair was black and straight, ending just below her shoulders. Underneath her chocolate brown eyes, dark bags began to form from the recent sleepless nights, while her face showed signs of crow's feet and her once plump cheeks were slightly narrower and sunken. But despite her berated and exasperated appearance she still exuded her trademark youthful vitality and cheerfulness, always wearing a smile, and preserving her recalcitrant optimism, but not to a fault, never allowing it to blind her to the realism of her world, her job, and the people involved in it. This was a break long overdue, and one that she hoped would prove uneventful. She stopped and gazed out at the ocean and wished she could live here forever. The world outside this paradise was so cold and harsh many times over and any quirks or anomalous peculiarities were quickly snuffed out, prodded and quashed by intolerant bigots. It's to this affect that she felt so lonely most of the time. Sure she had her students at the research center, helping them harness, cope and live with their extra-sensory abilities, the faculty their had become her surrogate parents and the students, her siblings, and its one of the few places she could truly express herself and not be afraid of anyone else's scrutiny. Her occasional contracting from the Japanese Self-Defense force kept her perpetually busy as she is consulted for her expertise in the recently created ESP Tactics Division and how their progress could be used in Research & Development for the, hopeful, inevitable eradication of Godzilla or any similar punitive threat.

Regardless of her positions, and what she had accomplished in a short amount of time, she knew deep down that she was different, a freak, someone who would always be displaced in society because of incomprehension. She continued walking trying to put her miseries and worries deep down into the cellar of her mind or at least reserve them until she had to return to "real" life. She had known someone, a while ago. Someone who did understand, who did know what its like to run, to run away and pray nobody ever catches up. To look at their reflection and do something about the scar in the mirror and although he was always impatient, vitriolic and moody, he was nice to have around when you needed clear, no bullshit answers to any question, and she felt comfortable around him, safe, but most importantly: normal. She stopped again, placed a hand on her shoulder and looked down at the sand, thinking, praying, and wondering what ever happened to him.

Then the ocean started to churn.

She turned to look, gushing water plumed and bubbled violently, madness seemed to take hold of it, and it grew intensively, vaporous clouds escaped wherever possible making searing noises, as if someone doused a campfire with water. Flashes of blinding blue light forced Miki to squint and shield her eyes. Then from the depths, a large dark mass arose, revealing itself, taller than the cascading water around it. It raised its head and unfolded its arms from across its chest. It blinked its eyes lucidly; scanning its surroundings, then it puffed out its chest and roared territorially. Miki could see him plainly, recognizing the familiar sound; his rugged charcoal reptilian skin had more scars and burn marks than before. He must've been swimming through lava streams, she theorized, so that's how he did it, that's how he avoided detection. She smiled at his ingenuity, but the smile quickly disappeared as she began to take in the full sight of him. He was thinner than before, muscle had replaced the fat deposits in his body, giving him more agility and greater definition, his spines were no longer white and curved but rather serrated, gray and sharp, shaped like forked lightning bolts. His face was hollow and menacing, more so than before, the snout was narrower and when ever he growled it revealed a double row of teeth. His eyes were still black but something inside Miki told her that this was not the same Godzilla she remembered after SpaceGodzilla's destruction. Something had happened after that fight that caused Godzilla to completely vanish for 5 years and now it decided to reappear again, unanticipated, without her ever been able to discern his presence. Even stranger was that it chose to finally reveal itself at the same time that she was on Birth Island. Why now? Did he follow me? Why so long and why couldn't he at least communicate with me, even once. Her head was a garbled mess of questions, while her face was a mixture of apprehension and bitterness. She breathed slowly, calmed herself, and began to concentrate, reaching out and knocking on the door to Godzilla's mind, trying to understand what happened to him and maybe, more importantly, what happened to the both them during those last 5 years.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was paramount that she tread cautiously when speaking with Godzilla, she couldn't imagine the tenuous condition of his psyche, or his reaction to anything he might consider a threat. Inside her heart, Miki, refused to believe that the same towering, deformed monster was still the same cryptically misunderstood beast from before, she still held on to the hope that his mind was still intact, still in there, somewhere, it was just concealed and cauterized by indescribable anger and pain, that now seems to have manifested itself physically. She began, _Godzilla? Godzilla, can you hear me. It's me, Miki; I'm here on the island. Can you see me?_ Then she added, lamely and genuinely, _I'm sorry it's been so long._

Their time apart was still parading her thoughts loudly, how different they've become, both explicitly and subtlety. All this was awkward, the serendipitous timing, the place, she should've never have come here; all these questions were breaking her concentration. _Focus, you'll get the answers, you just need to calm down, _she told herself,and she took a deep breath, held it, and released it slowly_._ _I came here to be alone;_ _I needed to get away, to feel sane again, and to live like everyone else_. _I wanted this for me. I never expected him here. None of this is my fault. _She couldn't decide if absolving herself was really the best way to handle this, too many things have changed between them and going back would be impossible. If that were the case then they were both better off mutually agreeing to never speak to each other again. But her job, the defense force, her abilities don't just "turn off" just because she wants them to. Sooner or later they'll have to link again, and it'll be awkward and weird, like working with someone whom you've slept with. The barrier of privacy is gone and all you're left with is the drum-roll reaction to each other's naked exposure. But, all that was pushed aside, now, more than the anxiety and the pendulous, vacuous silent dread, festering and growing was perhaps the worst thought of all, what if Godzilla wouldn't open his mind to her, what if he doesn't remember how?

Godzilla blinked and squinted, lowering his gaze to allow his eyes to become accustomed to the sun. He growled in pain, causing the roosting island birds to take flight, hollering and yelling as they escaped from the trees. Godzilla grunted at their cries, exciting their haste even more. Godzilla's lungs swelled with the excitement and fantasy of the undiluted afternoon sea breeze. It had been so long since the familiar sound of rolling tides and gawking birds, the surface world had miles of away, and no matter how far he swam it was always unreachable. There was never a doubt that he would see the sun again, his initial retreat into hiding, prompted by the relentless complications and utter petulance of humans and enemies, the scorching, scathing lava tides and the noxious natural gases, weren't ever enough to cast doubt. He just was just wanted to go away. It was a hard and difficult journey, radioactive deposits few and far between, relying on his fat storages for energy and even at times allowing the blood-like magma to row his languid, exhausted body wherever the tides would lead. The world down there was dark and combustible and he couldn't help but admit that he had emulated such a realization that at times he felt more connected to that abyssal place than anything remotely terrestrial, even his new appearance, reflected in the water disgusted him and he roared back at it, wanting nothing of the old to interface with him. But even he couldn't answer the question of why he was here, and what drove him to come out of hiding, there was a sort of "feeling" of familiarity but he could never pinpoint exactly what it was. Then he stopped, he straightened himself, with his unblinking eyes and his nostrils occasionally flaring in a trance-like state, Godzilla stood, frozen. He could hear something, something small and gnawing like a small rat scratching behind the wall, the irritant injected itself into his mind. It began small, but like ripples it grew and expanded exponentially. Godzilla roared in anger, attempting to drown out the sound. He pressed his hands on his ears, grimacing and shaking his head furiously. He didn't recognize the sound, all he knew was that it sounded like human, female, a voice from long ago, and familiar, he wanted nothing of it. But it pressed and pressured obstinately. Godzilla was fighting it, fighting, her. His callous destructive nihilism was being tested by a warred empathy once again, but that was in the past, he wouldn't let it win. Godzilla's spines flashed electric blue and a surge of internal radioactive surged through his body, into his head. Godzilla suppressed the urge to release it, but it wasn't meant to be discharged. Miki was slammed with a massive force, literally throwing her backwards on the beach. Like a vice grip, everything, her skull, brain, spirit was being crushed simultaneously. Miki couldn't hang on, the fragile link was crumbling and her body was being squeezed. _He wont let me in_ she confessed, _its over, he won, Godzilla has decided._ Miki conceded. Godzilla feeling this, targeted the island, and saw a small outline on the beach; there wasn't another psyche around strong enough to barrage his own so he concluded that she was the source of the intrusion. Even from his distance he could see her collapsed on the sand, propped on a shoulder recovering her senses. He opened his jaws and released the stored charge. The beam shot out faster than Miki had ever seen it before, she could hardly react as it hit a mountain side far behind the palm tree forest. The impact of the blast sent rocks, sand, debris into the air, and raining down near and around Miki's location. She ran along the coast, dodging as best as she could to avoid huge, car-sized rocks, from squishing her and small, bullet speed, pebbles from sniping her. Godzilla let out a gnarling, rasped chuckle, if you could call it that, it sounded more of nails on a chalkboard, except it moved up and down like waves of a sine graph. Godzilla was pleased to see the little intrusive rat run, and Miki was cut and scraped on her arms and face, she couldn't believe this was happening to her, she couldn't believe that Godzilla, her Godzilla, would try and intimidate her like that, aggressively and lethally, now, she feared what would happen to her if she stayed on the island, would Godzilla actually kill her?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Godzilla made his presence known on the beach as each footstep pronounced a loud booming sound which buffeted the island. He stopped and scanned the view; he found the girl sprawled on the sand. Godzilla roared at her triumphantly, dually antagonizing and frightening her even more, both of which weren't very hard for him to do. Miki was still recovering from the shower of cascading earth. She winced as she staggered to her feet, stretching out her hands for balance, disoriented and coughing. There were sporadic cuts on her arms and face, and her hair was slightly rumpled. Godzilla didn't waste anytime getting to her, closing the gap between them efficiently. His large shadow shrouded her in black as his massive frame obstructed the sun. The biggest thing, with the darkest shadow, stood in front of the biggest thing with the brightest light, she had never felt more dead and cold in any other time in her life,

All she could do was look up and all Godzilla did was look down.

Miki was wide eyed, dumbly standing there, swallowing nervousness. A sudden memory brought her back to 1989, on a floating helicopter pad out in the ocean. The wind was choppy and cold; her assignment was to deter Godzilla or at least delay his progress for however long as possible. As he approached her she wasn't terrified, she wasn't frightened at all. Proximity wise they weren't that close, not like now, standing, staring, eye to eye like a reflection in the mirror. Back then she was composed and confident, young and forthright. Godzilla also was of a different sort, not completely unreasonable and militant, just recalcitrant, fractious and a little too proud. It reminded her of a typical jock from a teenage soap opera, which she always thought was cute.

Again. She had never been this near to him before, they'd always been standing at a distance, and now, being able to hear a faint rhythmic drumming which she guessed was his radioactive heart, brought her even more chills than being under his dreadful shadow rather than what he'd actually do to her. Inside her was a gargled mess of emotions, she screamed at herself for all the times she should've tried harder to reach him, not giving up on him, or flippantly casting his needs aside for her own, the pursuit of normality in her life, the lives and loves lost because of him, it all hit her in simultaneous madness that could only be described in a massive 50 ft tidal wave crashing upon the mainland. She was small and pathetic compared to him, all that pseudo-strength, foresight, wisdom and experience you're suppose to magical receive when you're older is crap. It's not coming into play. There's no scenario where a 100 meter reptilian monster is standing and staring at you, face to face, and you knowing that just being that close is enough to kill you because of its incalculably porous radioactive energies. But this wasn't the time to buckle and to collapse to her knees. Sure Godzilla had changed physically, and had denied her access to him, and nearly attempted to kill her. But that didn't mean his heart was gone. Right? She would have to keep fighting for it, for him, to help him remember, because he's her friend, and of the utmost eccentric of sorts indeed. Gathering herself for a second assault Miki began, this time with a little more feminine vulnerability and empathy. _Did you follow me? I know said I'm sorry before but I'm saying it again. There are numerous mistakes that I made, involving you and me, but I want to know what they are exactly, can you show me, please? I know we're different, now more than ever, I just want to understand why you left. It's not fair that you left and didn't say anything to me. I thought we were friends. I thought you could trust me. You owe me an explanation for that much at least. _

Godzilla wasn't so apprehensive like before and allowed her message to come through clearly. He had spent the better part of their staring contest time deciding what to do next, and to be frank, he had no idea what he was doing. Of course he wanted to scare her, ruffle her feathers, and blindside her but that was it. Nothing else was supposed to happen, and worst of all, she didn't look phased at all. _This is embarrassing_. He also knew that it wasn't by mere coincidence that they reunited at the same place; he had been listening, attuning his neurological systems to "pick up" any signatures of her communicating to him or other people, without her even knowing. It's something he learned how to do as a result of a device, shot into the back of his head that briefly placed him under her control, a device which she also removed.

During his time down in hell, he could hear her indulgent, inconsequential plights, candid sincerity, heart felt moral struggles and episodic emotional roller coasters that made an episode of Intervention look like a get well Hallmark card. Though a lot he couldn't really understand, he was enthralled by the complexity of human decision making, something for him which was so blissfully easy and instinctive that he couldn't believe that it took hundreds of people, in a room, to decide if a park needed to plant more trees for beautification. _Stupid idiots! There're not for beauty but to breath. Duh! _Godzilla was very careful in ensuring that Miki could not intercede in his own personal thoughts, he didn't welcome the fact of being an open book to her. He understood what she was trying to say and did perhaps feel the need to reciprocate the apology, it's just that his time alone, his reasons, his wants, weren't they important enough to search out and find them, even if it means to do it by your self. He didn't want anyone telling him what to do to, or tie him down, he's an animal, and animals are meant to be left in the wild, to decide for themselves. That's what he wanted. Except he knew he was too big and dangerous to be allowed his freedom, so he left, walking away from it all, leaving everything familiar behind. But he couldn't let go of her. So he began to learn from her thoughts, understanding human nature, society, ethics, morality, news, everything she experienced, so could he. Godzilla shook himself from his consternation, grunted and responded. _I've been away. And now I've found you. I'm sorry I left you alone._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 pt1

There are many things that could be said about a boy and a girl, who, after being separated for years encounter one another in a public place like a café, a night club, a book store.

Or along a beach.

That the fortuitous timing of a love lost opportunity can once again be reclaimed as the previously paused chase can begin anew. Or that they were predestined and inevitably meant to be together. That a fate or power greater than themselves caused the circumstances around them to dance and weave their way to this very moment.

However it is that people call these magical fairytale-like instances, they are no less applicable to the two sentient inhabitants of this island.

Their island.

The swirling energies of mass and matter spiraled seamlessly like a painter's pallet, as their minds expanded and contracted, reaching out, flying, and materializing in what appeared to be a massive expanse of open space. The space was white. Completely white. The floor and ceiling spanned infinitely from every direction. It was lit by a permanent brilliant light, which radiated a sort of boundless potentiality and a subtle curiosity of what wonders or horrors could occur in such a blank place. In this place time stopped, and the recesses of the mind were free to bend and shape the blank slate of this world as it willed, bringing to life the essence of its core, making it both real and literal. If children play in playgrounds, then the imagination played here.

Godzilla and Miki regained consciousness and opened their eyes to their new surrounding. Godzilla's once enormous size had been reduced to just less than ten feet, while Miki's wardrobe toughened itself, in favor of a white loosely based military style jumpsuit. Her hair was in several ponytails and fixed into a curt bun. Her fingerless black gloved hands delicately framed her rugged appearance adding a dangerous, even lethal, gravitas. And to Godzilla, resplendent shuddering beauty. They weren't standing very far apart, something between as stone's throw and two streetlights. Miki was surprisingly calm. Despite her brush with death earlier, she maintained a solid, scrutinizing gaze, which gave no clue as to whether she was quietly enraged or stoically accepting. She made the first move as she strolled confidently towards Godzilla.

"Why did you deny my first attempt to reach you back at the beach? Hmm? Judging by how you found me all of a sudden was more than a mere coincidence. You've been following me this whole time. Right?"

Her staunch bravado excited him. It wouldn't be like previous times here where they would sit down and stare off into the horizon, their senses comforted and entertained by whatever they chose to imagine, like a summer evening carnival or a baroque church at sunrise. This time was different. But he wasn't scared, or intimidated, he was excited for the challenge. A great invigoration coursed through his sullen bones after such long restless atrophy. Even with the prospect of a fight in the back of his head, Godzilla couldn't expunge the look of Miki's face. He had tried to frighten her at the beach, not kill her, she was horrified and yet resolute. She didn't back down at his presence. She had learned to cope and adapt. It was amazing. And he was amazed at how someone so small could captivate him so such. If it were anyone else, he wouldn't think twice at extinguishing their life but she wasn't, isn't, just anyone else. Her smile proved that. Her chestnut colored eyes proved that. Her scent, her hair, her soft outstretched hands…proved that. One doesn't simply walk into hell and expect to return unflustered. One doesn't simply travel to the end of the universe and look behind the last star to see if there is anything else out there and expect to go to work as if nothing new had happened over the weekend. Godzilla knew better. He knew that in his hardest of hearts she was the weakness that consumed him, the valkyrie of his defeat, the demise of his power. That love and empathy for him, was of torment and a cross so unbearable that he would tear himself apart, rack his body with rage and unfathomable fury that blood would fall slowly from his fists from striking plateaus, mountain sides, caves and solid terra firma, just so that the pain would block out her rapturous pretense.

I found you. That's all. And I apologized already for what happened back there. I just wanted to get your attention. It worked didn't?

"You think it's that simple? Well of course you do. It's so easy for you to just show up after five years of keeping everyone in suspense without as much as a single word. To try and find me, then to nearly kill me and expect for it to all amend itself with an apology! I'm your friend. The only one who ever gave you the benefit of the doubt. The only one who ever cheered you on, stood by you, the only one you could truly talk to. The only one you could trust." Miki stopped a few inches from Godzilla. He extended his mouth down to her, growling and brandishing his teeth, looking like a dog bordering on rabid hysteria after sniffing a stranger from behind a fence. He didn't take kindly to his imminence being invaded. He considered it a threat. He reacted to all threats contentiously and naturally. She could smell his odor of pungent salt water and it made her stomach gag. Her senses were out of practice as all five drank in Godzilla's features more closely and meticulously than ever before. Him being her was a miracle of sorts, navigating a maze of fire, and surviving. But her adversity to get here was just as much miraculous as his, wasn't it?

"Is this how you treat all your friends?"

Godzilla snickered. _Friends! Friends don't suffer with you, they watch you suffer and say they're with you. Yours is the only weight that you can pull. Nobody else can do it for you, no friend. No one.. In that pit I learned that I'm the only cause worth fighting for. It took me awhile to remember but I got it back and I don't intend to lose it again._

It means nothing. You aren't the one fighting out there, hunted down, shot at, running and hiding like a refugee. You'll never know what it truly feels to be alone. But I do. And I know that I can live with it. You may not know but I knew that Junior died while I was gone. I felt him die and I didn't feel any sorrow, only relief. Relief that he didn't have to suffer like I have, that he won't have to grow up knowing that _he _is the last of his kind, that people will destroy him at every opportunity, that there is no peace only strife and war.

"So then why choose now to show up?" yelled Miki, "How could you be so cruel to him. He needed you. What makes you think you can play God and decide so frivolous as to who gains your divine assistance. You think you can appear and disappear whenever your feel like without tell me. That's not how this friendship works!" Miki was vehement. If you imagined clouds of smoke fuming from her ears and nostrils then you be called crazy, and correct because that's exactly how she looked. Godzilla roared and grabbed her, suspending her high in the air. Miki's pathetic attempts to escape failed, and then he drew her to him. I've come here to terminate this friendship. You know nothing of who I am or what've I've done. This is over!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4 part 2

Miki felt life leave her body. Though she continued pounding and struggling against his powerful grip, her heart and mind were no longer in the fight. She couldn't believe what had just happened, what Godzilla had just said and how easily their frail friendship had so quickly evaporated.

_Was this how it was meant to end?_

_I should've known better. _

_But why? _

_Someone please tell me why?_

Moments from those five years flashed and played like old home movies in an attempt to retrace the missteps of what should've happened, where she went wrong: a friend from the institute set her up on a blind date. He wore a dark brown blazer, had goldenrod sandy looking hair combed in a conscious, conservative manner. He had tight face with evident signs of wrinkles along his forehead. Frowning was his usual disposition she thought. She had fun, and despite his hard appearance, he was charming and intelligent. He read addictively and was educated in various subjects with an uncanny ability to strike up a conversation in just about any topic. After the date he invited her over to his apartment, she hesitated, then obliged, and later that night they made love. He was warm and gentle and treated her as such. She was happy and safe. Another frame depicted Miki looking over the shoulder of one of her students, a dark haired boy about eight years old named Steven. Whenever the children experienced a dream, distorted images or premonitions they would have time devoted to transcribing their accounts onto paper in the form of pictures. Steven had told Miki that his was a surprise for her and that she should come back later. After meandered throughout the classroom, praising and inquiring curiously about the drawings of the other students, and receiving various descriptions of each subject in charming, sometimes whimsical detail, she finally returned to Steven.

The drawing was of a scribbled dark mass looking like the silhouette of a shadow or a pile of black mud or tar. In the center of it was a clear thin white "noodle" looking object splayed across the dark object. "I don't get it Steven. Can you help me out? Tell me what did you see?" He looked down at his paper, curiously, and tilted his head trying to remember what he himself actually drew. Pointing, he said, "Oh! That white part is you Miss Miki and the big black cloudy thing is Godzilla sitting down. He's holding you. I couldn't see you real good in my dreams but I know it was the both of you." Miki picked up the drawing, looked at him, then the drawing and back at him. She groped around for a chair and sat down. She just stared at the drawing. She was befuddled. Steven scratched his head briskly and added, "What I'm wondering is why he's holding you. He's too big to hold anyone like that. I don't know, pretty weird huh. You can keep the drawing Miss Miki."

"Y-Yes. Thank you. I'll…hold onto it?"

_Godzilla holding me? Where did that come from? That's ridiculous_. She repeated it over and over. The dreams of children were so real at times, and even for adults, that the distinction between reality and the dream are nearly indistinguishable. _Miki. It was just a dream. Godzilla went away and doesn't seem to want to talk to me nor to come back. For you know he could be, which means the world can at least return to normal, people can go on with their lives, and so can i._ But despite her assumed confidence and dismissive attitude, she still couldn't shake the romantic fantasy of Godzilla cradling her in his arms, though crazy and astronomically improbable, the thought of knowing that he was capable of reciprocating feelings nurtured her a very small, mustard seed-like, wavering belief in his prodigal existence. The realist in her laughed at such a prospect and opted to throw the picture away. She crossed her arms and hugged herself, not knowing what to do, to which side of her to concede to, while the romantic looked on in horror at the black cavernous ball surrounding the once beautiful sunshine of her heart. Slowly the ominous ball expanded, consuming everything in its path. She couldn't move. Her body being eaten by the dark mass, falling into it's depths like quicksand, she screamed and screamed until her world turned to black and all that could be heard were the cries of confusion and anger until they too were snuffed out.


End file.
